Aku tidak tahu di mana hendak aku mulakan coretan malam ini. Entahlah sejak kebelakangan ini ada kelainan yang aku rasakan. Little by little, the petals of him began to slowly reveal. Semasa malam 'moon cake festival' aku diingatkan oleh seseorang bahawa dia seorang yang licik. Namun aku anggap itu sebagai angin lalu. Aku ada menerima SMS dari mereka yang tidak aku kenali mengatakan dia seorang yang buas dan tidak pernah puas dengan seorang. Aku kematian kata-kata apabila di tebak dengan soalan-soalan yang tidak mahu aku dengar. Tolonglah...jangalah aku dikecewakan sekali lagi...betapa sakitnya hanya aku yang tahu. Aku mula menyayanginya dengan sepenuh hati. Aku cuma akan menumpukan kepada dia sahaja selain dari keluargaku. Aku mula bimbang kerana kelopak demi kelopak mula tersingkap...setiap kelopak mempunyai ceritanya

It was very painful. too painful

Semalam ada berlaku pertengkaran antara aku dan dia. Akhirnya dia mengaku memang dia ada berjumpa seseorang di Seremban tanpa pengetahuanku. Hancur luluh hatiku. Sakit sangat...sangat sakit. Apatah lagi apabila terbaca bait-bait ayatnya, aku tidak perlu tahu dengan siapa dia jumpa. Dan aku bertanya, "Is it wise for you to go and meet someone else behind my back surreptitiously?". He said,"YES!". Seemed like a great blow to my face. Aku tahan airmataku dari mengalir...tapi empangan yang aku sangkakan kukuh ini tidak cukup kuat menahan arus kekecewaan dalam hatiku...Ianya pecah. Aku sedar dan tahu dia mengambil berat dan menyayangi aku tetapi susah kah berlaku adil dan jujur kepadaku. Aku sedar aku tidak sempurna namun aku cuba jadi yang terbaik untuk dia. I can not and have no right to question the about this kind of relationship, tetapi apa yang pasti aku cinta dia. Semalam aku tidak nyenyak tidur, tidak dapat menikmati waktu tidur yang sempurna. Aku tidak tahu kepada siapa hendak aku mengadu dan meluahkan rasa hati...hanya di blog ini aku meluahkan rasa gundah, sedih, pilu. Entah lah...

Beginilah aku...bila aku mula menyayangi seseorang aku akan memberi sepenuhnya. Tapi adakah betul tindakanku ini. Hari ni aku sedih...truly sad
Hanya disebabkan kunci, i have been accused for something that was not done by me. Aku manusia dan sepatutnya sebelum berkata apa-apa fikir dahulu apa perasaan orang lain
Aku terfikir bila ada yang memberitahu aku dia tidak jujur. Dalam masa yang sama dia ada berpoya-poya denga beberapa orang lain di FB dan dia juga jumpa seseorang di Seremban baru-baru ini.
Kenapa aku perlu rasa kecewa. Adakah aku tidak mempercayainya? apakah aku masih ragu-ragu akan kejujurannya. Tetapi adakah dia benar-benar jujur?
Aku cuba menjadi sesempurna yang mungkin untuk dia. Tetapi aku tahu aku tidak mempunyai semua yang dia mahukan.
Entahlah...sejujurnya aku sayang sangat padanya

Aku mula mengenalinya hanya sebagai teman, namun kesungguhannya menjadikan hati aku terpaut. aku sayangkan dia..sayang sangat. Dia memberi perhatian dan begitu mengambil berat akan diri aku. Umurnya masih muda..teramat muda. Tapi dia matang. 

Seikhlasnya aku mencintainya, walaupun masih tebal rasa sakit apabila dikecewakan. 

Pertemuan pertama kami bermula setelah dia memberanikan diri BBM aku. Sejujurnya aku juga sudah lama memerhatikannya dalam diam. Namun aku hanya memandangnya dari jauh. Untuk menegurnya jauh sekali kerana apa yang aku tahu dari teman-teman dia sudah mempunyai teman istimewa dari Brunei. 

Tetapi setelah menerima BBM darinya hatiku berbaur riang. Dan kini kami sudah secara rasminya menjadi pasangan, Aku gembira tapi ada masanya aku tertanya-tanya akan kesetiannya...kejujurannya..aku jadi takut...

Aku akui aku kurang dalam serba serbi dan dia boleh memiliki seseorang yang lebih baik 1000 kali dari aku...cuma aku berharap dia tidak berlaku dan kebahagiaan ini tidak berlalu terlalu cepat... dan jika ianya berlaku biarlah dengan cara yang tidak terlalu melukakan...

Aku tidak tahu mencoretkan apa yang terbuku didalam hatiku. Bergolak hebat merempuh dinding-dinding hati. Buntu...

Tanggal 10 October yang menyakitkan

Sepanjang hari ini aku berasa tidak tenteram...Selepas mandi dan solat aku berbaring di atas tilam di kamar tidurku. Aku masih teringat-ingat kata-kata yang kurang menyenangkan, hati ku kembali cemas dan berkocak. Aku bbm 'si dia', "Boleh syah tahu siapa Syah di hati Z?" Dia hanya membalas dengan sad face!

"Love has changed, and i don't know why, out of sudden i fell in love with someone esle!" begitu mudah? Ketika aku melangkah keluar dari keretanya dia hanya mendiamkan diri. Aku menyusuri jalan dibawah hujan lebat menuju kekereta ku. Sesekali aku menoleh, tiada. Dan aku tahu ini adalah pengakhirannya.

Kasih yang kebelai dan kusirami dengan sayang dan cinta, akhirnya dituai oleh orang lain. Itu lah kehidupan. Sukar untuk aku melangkah, hanya airmata mengiringi.

Tiba dirumah FS menghubungi ku. Aku kawal hati ku, namun empangan airmataku pecah. Aku menangis lagi. FS mententeramkan ku....terima kasih FS

► 2:43► 2:43

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O3M_fDuMmI

I love this shot! But I do not intend to blame or pointing fingers at any party! But we as humans are blessed with the heart and mind must discern the authentic and which are false. Why is only one party is often blamed when the injustice is defended? Ponder and think deeply

Dibatas Waktu

Aku kembali mencoret ke dalam blog. Aku tidak tahu kenapa, ada masanya aku kesempitan idea untuk menulis, tidak seperti dahulu, setiap hari aku tidak akan pernah gagal menulis walau hanya sebaris ayat.

Idea must be paralleled with current time, tetapi kadang-kadang aku masih di belenggu masa silam dan di gamit memory semalam. Hari-hari yang aku lalui ada kalanya menggembirakan, menakutkan dan meresahkan, namun aku tidak kan dapat menjangkakan apa yang akan berlaku pada keesokan harinya.

This heart suddenly lulled when heard a beautiful melodious song with the verses of lyrics so poetic that seemed to dragged this heart. Dibatas Waktu is the title song sung by Malaysian Sweet Heart, Dato Siti Nurhaliza.

Lagu ini yang seolah-olah menyedarkan aku betapa kerdilnya diri ini....

Setiba kita di batas masa
Nobat nafiri tiada bernada
Sehelai daun kering berayunan layu
Menanti saat di bawa bayu

Langit mendung hujan pun gerimis
Sayup terdengar sendu dan tangis
Bertitian bisikan kalimah nan suci
Berdoa mudahkan perjalanan
Terakhir ini

Berat mata memandang
Berat lagi tanggungan
Bebanan perasaan
Kendati pun sejarah
Dosa pahala pastikan di kira

Bagai terasa keresahan di jiwamu
Bagai terdengar suara meruntum kalbu
Tiada walau sesaga di bawa pergi
Tak berharga puja dan puji

Kala jantungmu bagai laut bergelombang
Lemah cengkaman jejarimu di genggaman
Betapa sukar untuk kita menerima
Tiba detik pasti terpisah
Di batas masa

Wake-Up Syahrul

Been a while I thought ... why do I feel like still looking for something? Am I happy with my life every day routine? Sometimes the tears welling up when I saw the success of those who are around me. I see them happy with their lives and the satisfaction reflected on their faces with what they are doing.There were times when I look back and I saw all sorts of difficulties which I've been encountered. I also truly want to feel how the satisfaction of doing something that I loved. Do I have to make the wrong constellation, but I never tried to move? I was wondering, what I want and what I was looking for exactly? However, nowhere in the heart, pent a sense where I really want to do something that I aspire, but I realized that, although I am interested in a particular field is half dead, but at the same time I should be aware of who I am and know where I stand ground. However, I seem unable to contain my love for the field, and I always imagine that they are me, and I am happy with what I was doing at that time. Unfortunately, I returned to myself as the previous ones when what i see has ended. I am aware, the colors of my life is filled with frustration, grief and wounds, but I should not let myself swept away. I can not remain like this, I had to stand back in the real world. I had to wake up!

The rain that falls like a pearl ...
Sparkle, shine and flicker
Lush green land stretching
And gentle breezes blow

The love that blossomed
At a time when it rains
Sprinkle heart desolation
And the rain was accompanied
You go ...

Gently pouring rain
That this love
cool as a watered the earth
That's my heart

The rain with tears
Painful joint, with longing
You come and you go all
Missed again ...

Sedih

Aku tak tahu lah kenapa nasib aku macam ni, aku dah cuba yang terbaik untuk menjaga hatinya...balik-balik aku yang dipersalahkan...kenapa? Aku menyambut syawal dengan penuh kesyukuran kerana dapat meraikan bersama keluarga...tapi dalam kegembiraan aku terluka...kecewa..hiba...tak tahu kepada siapa hendak aku mengadu... apakah aku akan kembali menjadi pelabuhan?

LOVE

Love is a lot of sense ... but for me .. love is holy and pure. People who love you even have recognized the truth good and bad about you specifically. Any that we do let's be honest because honesty is too important in life. Without honesty our life is empty, do not go for the beauty, because beauty can be misleading and do not go for wealth because wealth will destroy you.

Attracted to someone who can makes you smile, because only smile that can make the days seem bright,like people always say every rose there bones. Of distress will be derived pleasure and happiness, like a prickly durian because of delicious contents, mangosteen skin sweet and bitter because the white in it and thorny roses because of fragrant and if someone comes into your life and become a party than you, but for some reason he had to go ...as a human being of course we can't avoid from being sad but don't be too sad, and accept the fact that at least he did make you happy but ... if someone comes, do not let it go away and if he still around tomorrow, do not expect he will come back

Terimalah aku seadanya....

If life is the root cause of separation, let the dead tie it up rear ... but if death is the cause of separation ... lets give life full of meaning.

Aku sayang kan dia...sayang sangat-sangat...tak sanggup aku kehilangannya... setiap kali teringatkannya aku jadi bersemangan untuk meneruskan hidup ini...aku sedar siapa aku...if i want to compare with those he has been attached to before....aku jauh ketinggalan dan kekurangan dari semua segi...i don't have good look...not wealth at all...namun aku harap bukan itu yang dia harap dari aku...

Ingin aku menjerit kepada dunia betapa aku amat menyintainya...amat sangat!!! Satu perkara yang tidak pernah dia tahu, setipa hari aku menerima hinaan dan kejian dari seseorang...walaupun ada yang benar-benar meremuk kan hati ku...namun aku telan segala kepedihan itu demi dia...dia yang bertakhta di hatiku...

Dia insan pertama yang bertahta
Dia insan pertama yang ku cinta
Dia pernah membuat ku bahagia
Dia yang mengajarku
Tentang erti rindu

Setiap hari aku tidak lupa mendoakan kebahagian hidupnya...aku terima kehadirannya dalam hidupku dengan penuh kasih sayang...dengan penuh kejujuran...aku harap dia dapat menerima aku seadanya

Tiada pernah sekali kau bertanya
Tiada kau ungkiti kisah lama
Menulikan telinga
Memejamkan mata
Menerima ku seadanya
Kau meletakkan diriku ini
Di sana nun di puncak nan tertinggi
Namun ku menyedari hakikat diri
Tak layak berada di sisi
Kau permata berkilauan tiap ketika
Di mana pun ditempatkan kau bercahaya
Sedang aku hanya kaca
Kehadiran tak ketara
Walau sering digilap
Sering tak terserlah
Pengalaman kehidupan di masa lalu
Tiada beza sejarahmu sejarahku
Kerana kau di persada
Aku di sini di lurah
Pandangan manusia pada kita tak serupa
Aku seadanya...

I'll make awish for you and hope it will come true that life would just be kind to such a gentle mind. If you lose your way, think back on yesterday and remember me this way.

I don't need eyes to see the love you bring to me, no matter where i go and i know that you'll be there, forever more apart of time, your're every where and i'll always care. And i'll be right behind your shoulder watching you...i'll standing by your side and all you do,and i won't ever leave as long as you still beleive...just beleive...

Kenapa?

Kadang-kadang aku tak faham dengan sikap manusia...kadang-kadang sikap mereka buat aku marah, kecewa, menangis... Aku tahu aku bukan lah seorang yang sempurna, tapi aku juga manusia. Aku penat dikecewakan, dipermainkan besama seribu kesakitan, kepedihan dan kepahitan.

Aku bukan seperti mereka yang mudah melafazkan dan tidak melaksanakan.Kenapa kesetiaan jarang dibalas dengan kejujuran.

Wahai hati..kau tabahlah...jangan menangis lagi

Tears Are The Proof of Life

"How long will the pain last?" a broken-hearted mourner asked me.
"All the rest of your life," I answered truthfully. No matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss of a loved one is like a major operation; part of us is removed, and we have a scar for the rest of our lives.
This doesn't mean that the pain continues at the same intensity. There is a short while, at first, when we hardly believe it. It is rather like when we have cut our hand, we see the blood flowing, but the pain has not yet set in. So when we are bereaved, there is a short while before the pain hits us. But when it does, it is massive in its effect. Grief is shattering.
Then the wound is healed, so to speak, the stitches are taken out….
The scar is still there, and the scar tissue, too. As the years go by, we manage. But the pain is still there, not far below the surface. We see a face that looks familiar, hear a voice that has echoes, see a photograph in someone's album, and it is as though the knife were in the wound again.
But not so painfully. And mixed with joy, too. Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow; it brings back happiness with it.
"How long will the pain last?"
All the rest of your life. But the thing to remember is that not only the pain will last, but the blessed memories as well. Tears are the proof of life. The more love, the more tears. If this be true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether. For then the memory of love would go with it. The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.

colours of life

Precisely at 3:13 am, as if called to re-write a blog that is almost two weeks I left.Just recovered from dengue fever.I suffered along the displaced in the hospital, there i realized how high the capital against love.I'm trying very hard to hide the pain but the instinct of a mother heart never wrong.She knows I am suffering.

It is true what was said by the wise-smooth, loyalty in friendship and brotherhood will only be proven when we are suffering distress or pain. Throughout I displaced in the hospital, who are always be by my side? Friends? Where? Officemate? No, but my mother. Kepada sidia, aku faham, kau telah banyak berkorban untuk ku. To the loved one, I understand, you have to sacrifice a lot to me.Conditions, distance and time have forced you not to come. I understand.

Kulayari laman facebook, tapi tak ada apa-apa yang menarik untuk aku coretkan disitu
kecuali lagu ini :

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone

when you keep crying out to be saved
but nobody comes
And you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And everytime I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And everytime I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I'll make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say-ay-yeah-yeah-hey-ey

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And everytime I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
Oh, yes you can)
Ohh, You're gonna make it through the ... rain

Angle brought me here...

It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

Love is not weak but teach us the strength to raise...not degrade ourselves but prowess exhale and not weaken the spirit of love, but raise one's life.

We need a minute to attracted to someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone you love.

Pain betrayed, deceived, and being cheated is more severe pain from beatings or any physical pain because it will remain forever.

What is frustration? It is something that involves the heart and feelings. When disappointed hearts can be equated as the glass crashed to the stone. Disintegrated without can be cured.

Syukur

Pukul 6.30 pagi aku terjaga,"syahrul bangun sembahyang suboh, hang kata nak pi medical checkup hari ni kan. Tapi bawak mak pi klinik dulu tau". Suara itu tidak pernah jemu mengejutkan ku setiap pagi. Dan suara itu lah yang akan terus aku rindui sampai akhirat. Aku berjalan malas dan terus membersihkan diri seraya sujud kepada yang maha Esa. Sementara menunggu mak aku sms 'sidia' dan seperti 'sidia' tak pernah jemu memberi semangat dan kata-kata dorongan buatku. Aku tersenyum.

Alhamdulillah semua selesai...dan esok aku akan memulakan detik baru dialam pekerjaan..bermula satu lagi cabaran untukku...INSYAALLAH aku akan berjaya...
berkat doa ibu, dorongan kawan-kawan dan 'sidia' aku tak akan gagal lagi

Faith

Journey of life is so far and live long, like the adventurous there is no end, i'm standing here at the junction of roads which will choose my direction..Life is a journey fulls of challenges and unexpected...Test all the strength, faith and patience, in the adventure full of thorns...I believe in the greatness of Allah... Allah is great...Allah knows the world hereafter